The Best At HideAndGoSeek!
by Goddess369
Summary: people that read Undoubtedly Devoted, please read this story! A 'never says' or bloopers that I wrote about Alexander a while back, pretty self explanatory, lol. M for language only.


**Important Announcement****: 'Undoubtedly Devoted' was deleted by fanfiction. Apparently you aren't supposed to write about 'real people'. I haven't read the rules in so long that I guess I'd forgotten that. I'm no sure if they just happened to come across it or if someone seriously had that much of a problem with my story and reported it. (if so, then I have one word for you...asshole! Yay) Anyway, I was fairly mad because I don't know who all read my story and now I don't really have a way of letting them know about it getting deleted. But I have the story on two other sites; ****.com**** and ****.com**** . I'm not sure if you have to actually have an account to gain access to my story on those sites, but whatever. On slashing leto my name is shut_down_angel, and on livejournal it is shut_down_angel as well (on this site I have the story posted to 3 communities: hephaistionfans, jared_colin_sin, and strike_me_still). So I updated part 7 already to those sites. And um...yeah, still kinda ticked about this, (if you couldn't tell, lol)...but there you go. Thanks to everyone that reads it, and that will go to one of those sites and continue to read it. You're awesome!**

**Oh, maybe I'll make a xanga JUST for the story. I'm pretty sure you don't need an account to look at stuff on there…but correct me if I'm wrong, please. And tell me if you'd like that!**

**But anyway, here is my rambling parody of Alexander. Warnings for strong language and some sexual themes. Have fun ;) **

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Hephaistion: Alexander, I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore…I'm going home to pursue my dream of becoming a pole dancer.

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Olympias: OMG! *throws snake across the room*, where the FUCK did that come from?!

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King Phillip II: You know, son, it makes me so sad that we don't spend time togther more often. How about a frolic through that garden?

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Alexander: *in battle* AH! You big jerk, you almost broke my nail!

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Roxanna: *on Alexander's death bed* Now, baby, I know this may not be a good time, but I really think we need a divorce.

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Bagoas: *Alexander leans in to kiss him, Bagoas steps back* Woah now, let's just rewind fo' a second-did I say you could touch me? Did I SAY you could touch me? Nuh-UH, I don' think so, bitch! I didn't come up in here to dance and then be groped by no fool with no nappy-ass blonde hair! Not to-DAY! Bitch, please, betta' check yo'self…*snap snap snap*

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Alexander: Stay with me tonight, Hephaistion-

Hephaistion: Why? So you can give me heroin and get the other generals to come watch me try to protect myself from Nazis again? Right.

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Alexander: Stay with me tonight, Hephaistion-

Hephaistion: Why? So you can give me heroin and get the other generals to come watch me try to protect myself from Nazis again?

Alexander: Something like that.

Hephaistion: Well, shit, let's get this party started, then.

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Clietus: I'm sorry I'm so mean…I fuckin' LOVE you guys, man…

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Cassander: Omg Alexander, you're, like, so freakin' perfect…I mean, like, how does your hair stay so great? I spend, like, HOURS on mine…it's so NOT even close to yours though…

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Hephaistion: I'm so tired of getting no respect. *cuts off hair*

Alexander: Hephaistion…you're a boy?

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Alexander: *pulls off Bagoas' skirt* WOAH there's a penis! Gross! Penis!

Bagoas: You've seen me shirtless…what did you _think_ would be down there?!

Alexander:…I thought you were just flat chested and proud.

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Alexander: *going over war plans with generals* Oops, the west side is over _there_…dumb blonde moment…

Cassander: Wait! Woah, hold up, HOLY shit- Alexander's _blonde_?

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Alexander: What? KING? No, I don't want to!

Hephaistion: You get to wear this pretty, _shiny_ crown…

Alexander: *snatches it*…fine, I'll be king…but I _won't_ like it.

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Alexander: *at Hephaistion's death bed* Well, what exactly is wrong with him?

Doctor: We're not sure, maybe something to do with the chef-

Alexander: HEPHAISTION, IT'S _OK_! YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE!

Doctor: He's so passionate about his friend's health; that's nice.

Roxanne: No, he just thought you said 'deaf'.

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Alexander: Why aren't we ever intimate anymore?

Roxanne: Because I know for a fact that your dick has been in a man's ass!

Alexander: So? That's exactly what they say about your vagina - they all eventually came around.

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Cleitus: Are we there yet?

Alexander: No.

Cassander: Are we there yet?

Alexander…No.

Ptolemy: Are we there yet?

Alexander: …_No_.

Hephaistion: Are we-

Alexander: _NO_! DOES IS _LOOK_ LIKE WE'RE FUCKING THERE YET?!

Hephaistion: I was going to ask if we were making camp tonight, asshole.

Alexander: Oh, right…No.

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Alexander: So…you're pregnant.

Roxanne: Yes, you will be a father! Isn't that exciting?

Alexander: Uh, yeah…You think you could hold it in for a while?

Roxanne: Hold it in?

Alexander: You know…the baby…I'm not ready to be a father…

Roxanne: Alexander, you can't _hold in_ a baby.

Alexander: But you've been doing it for four months!

Roxanne: That's because it takes nine months to have a baby!

Alexander: What?

Roxanne: The mother is pregnant for nine months-that's the only reason I haven't had it yet!

Alexander: …I don't believe you. Are you trying to buy time so you can lose weight?

Roxanne: What?!

Alexander: You have been letting yourself go, lately…

Roxanne: I'm _pregnant_!

Alexander: What? Oh, really?…Think you could hold it in for a while?

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Alexander: BUT, YOU'LL NEVER RUN FAR ENOUGH! BECAUSE I WAS _ALWAYS_ THE BEST AT HIDE-AND-GO-SEEK!


End file.
